May 2

May 2 Debunking Common Phrases

We discuss a few phrases that need to re-written and some that frankly, can be completely eradicate. There are many more than what we have included below, but these are a few that we thought we would discuss for now! [please let us know if there are any other phrases you think are outdated and should be discussed, we would love to add them!] The following phrases are phrases that are either outdated, rude, toxic and result in affecting the way we think, and/or misleading.

Boys Are Mean To Girls Because They Like Them

the idea behind it

Okay, this one is more a mentality or attitude versus a phrase. A lot of girls, when little, complained about a boy being mean to them or hitting them, were told ‘maybe he likes you’. This roots back to the idea that a guy is maintaining his macho-ness and dealing with his emotions but redirecting them as anger, physical pain, or disrespectful behavior.

If someone likes someone, there should be kindness and respect involved.

This needs to stop because

Girls subconsciously can have relationships where they tolerate a**holes and jerks, and even physical abuse. Yes, the subconscious effects can reach that far.

Both girls and boys are reaffirmed with the idea that boys need to be macho and brutal with their behavior, and cover up emotions because being nice is too soft or sensitive.

Failure Is Not An Option

the idea behind it

While when embarking on a new adventure, you do not want to be negative, nor aiming for failure, this quote can be very misleading.

This needs to be re-written because

Especially in our obsessive and hype culture where a quote or phrase can be taken to extremes without context, and in a culture in which the journey to success is glamorized, failure actually comes as a result of strength. It means you went beyond your comfort zone and you most likely learned something along the way. You get up from failures. Failing is not a dead end, you might have to change direction, but it is not a dead end, it’s part of the process.

Good Things Come To Those Who Wait

the idea behind it

Patience is a virtue

This needs to be re-written because

While the intent is right and it’s not completely wrong, this quote can be misleading because it may cause individuals to believe that waiting around for destiny to happen to you, and not actually work towards a good thing. So it’s more like ‘good things come to those who work hard and have patience.’ Good things can sometimes take time, and in general, you have to make an effort for things. This is often when free will and destiny intertwine.

You do what you can/have to, and also be patient for it to come your way! Anxiety can build on things that are not happening for/to someone sometimes and this is when patience comes in handy, and in the long term, if you are doing the world and yourself right, the good things will come.

Boys Will Be Boys

the idea behind it

Boys will act a certain way. This has often meant/means that boys will be hyper, violent, deceiving, etc. and therefore can remain unaccountable for actions.

This needs to be re-written because

It generalized boys’ behaviors. Some boys like to get rough and dirty, some don’t.

Boys have to be accountable for their indecent behavior, whether they mistreat a girl/woman, rude to another individual [man or woman].

An unconscious bias is formed [internalized attitudes towards a certain group of people] and therefore a more than acceptable aggression threshold forms for boys.

Oversimplifies their behavior, when there might be something that needs to be actually dealt with at a deeper level.

Man Up / …Like A Girl

the idea behind it

Being stronger like a man [mentally and physically] / doing something weakly.

This needs to stop because

They both create outdated gender biases and generalizations. Guess what? Men can have emotions, be soft, and girls can be strong and level headed. On the flip side, even if a man is too sensitive, just as if a woman is too sensitive, someone can call them out for being too emotional or sensitive. Point being that both men and women can be both strong and on the flip side overly sensitive.

Women can often do a lot more - physically - than men [do you know many men that would go through with giving birth? - not to dismiss men’s other strengths.]. This type of commentary can dismiss the capability and potential of a girl/woman being strong [both mentally and physically], and is derogatory, putting the person down. It is also demeaning women, not only that they are not strong and usually [meant to be] weak, but also that that means they are lesser and can be laughed at because of that [therefore used as an insult]. This terminology also forces people to believe that a guy needs to be a certain way, which as already discussed, is wrong, as each individual is different, and everyone’s strength and weaknesses are different.